The Death Wish

Artwork source: https://coub.com/view/7yxmd

You've met me at a very strange time in your life...

Every morning you open your eyes wishing it was your last and every night you take deep breaths, as deep as you want the Earth to swallow you- teeth, flesh, bones, and whole. With each passing day, how badly you wish it was your passing instead.

You've met me at a time you were ready to decay, to be eaten up alive in a world you can only see yourself surviving, not fully living, just existing, presenting your breaths...

small,

steady, 

slow...but just enough to make it onto the next day. Some days, breathing is a breeze but on most nights, it burns your lungs more than Marlboro Red does, ties a knot in your throat, makes your palms sweat waterfalls, your heart race as you cling to yourself tightly in bed to keep yourself from falling apart or falling within. You don't want to breathe anymore is what you tell your mind but your heart tells you that you have to, so you keep going. Your rib-cage feels like hell's about to break loose and your lower back carries a thousand daggers all pointed at your aching bones. You're bleeding in every direction and your scars are only visible to those who haven't caused them but you hold on...you hold on anyway. 

You keep your head low while maintaining to stay afloat in your own waters and let your eyes do the talking to those brave enough to see past the hurricanes that linger in them. "What good are words?" when the eyes are more brutally honest than the lips ever are. You've fought many wars but you & I both know your favorite armor and weapon. You have the sharpest tongue; your lips are the trigger and your words are the bullet strong enough to crack through a skull and pierce through an unsuspecting heart. 

You've met me at a time you were ready for death to swoop down on you like a raven and embrace you like you've been waiting for it all your life; you want it to swoop down and take you in just one glimpse, 

so sudden, 

not gradually, 

no struggles...just pain-free and permanence in the abyss.

This, my love is your grandest wish. For death to grant you and even though you may have wished for it, death still wouldn't wish itself on you.